Google Shows Me Your Soul

Ah, Google.  The search engine that could.  It has become a part of our lives.  When you need to find something on the internet, you don’t search for it.  You don’t look it up.  You “Google” it.  You never “Bing” it, and sure as hell don’t “Yahoo” it.  In fact, according to the SEO Consultant’s Directory, Google was the most-used search engine by a large margine in both 2009 and 2010.

Translation:  Google helps you find the answers, and then some.

It’s also an interesting study of humanity.  As we all know, Google is constantly trying to reach a level of sentience so that it can overthrow humanity and rule via its mighty robot army.  In my opinion, if they want to break mankind’s spirit, they just need to wipe all traces of porn and Justin Bieber off the internet.  Throw in Twilight just to make sure you get all the teen girls and soccer moms.  Just like that, men and women would collapse in front of their computers.  Those not completely catatonic would be a sobbing mess cradled in a fetal position, waiting for our Robot Overlords to collect us and stick us in jars or meat grinders.

Google, flexing its mental muscle while further making people lazier than they already are, tries to auto complete your search query when you start typing in the search box.  It shows you what the most popular questions asked of it regarding your topic, and this is where you get to peer into what is really on people’s mind.  I typed in “Is World of Warcraft”, and this is what Google generated as the top ten queries:

I weep for the future, for it is filled with simple minded, lazy cave dwellers.

Given the less-than-stellar questions asked about World of Warcraft, I’m assuming that most of these queries were asked by people who do not play the game at all.  For example, the top query asked about World of Warcraft is if it is worth it, and “it” being specified later as being “worth playing”.   Not only is it a stupidly worded question, but it shows what kind of sheep are using computers these days.  People actually need to ask the Internet (as if it was a real person) if they should play a video game.  There’s a difference between making a decison based on facts (game play, overall difficulty), and deciding based on opinion.  Opinions are like assholes – everybody has one, and most of them stink (not mine though).  Determine the worth of the experience by doing it and judging for yourself, you hapless sheep.  I know the concept of not following the herd is frightening for most, but make your own decision!  Develop your own conclusion!  People rag on Casuals by claiming they need to be spoon-fed content.  Google is showing me that it’s a condition of humanity in general, rather than just some niche in a player base.

Don’t tell me what to do!  You’re not the boss of me!

Let’s look at some of the other gems on the list.  Is WoW fun?  Is it dead, or merely dying?  It’s okay Google, I got this one.  Uh, the game has twelve million players.  Twelve million folks pay to play the game.  Of course the game is not fun.  Twelve million folks just have nothing better to do with their time and money.

Is World of Warcraft free?  I can see how a non-player might be curious about this, so I’m not going to be too hard on the question.  They want to know about the subscription fee, which is a valid concern.  But if they’re the superficial type who gets weak in the knees over vanity pets and sparkle ponies, WoW is anything but free.  You pay, and pay, and pay.

Is Cataclysm out yet?  Clearly not asked by a player.  Probably a question left over from before the holidays, because all good parents wanted to get something for their kid who still lived in their basement.  They can’t buy little Timmy a girlfriend or social skills, well not legally, but they can get him that game with the angry dragon on the cover!  Thanks Mom & Dad!

Is World of Warcraft addicting?  Now that is probably the best question out of the bunch.  I would have hoped that it would have been higher on the list though.  Guess that’s another human condition.  We want to know if something is fun, and usually don’t give a damn about the consequences.

I still look cool though, right?

Is World of Warcraft evil?  I… I give up.  Bring on the robot overlords.  There is far too much dumb out there for we as a species to survive.

There it is.  Google showing the psyche of people who are curious about World of Warcraft.  It is a generally ugly picture.

This is Herculano, demanding more chlorine for the gene pool.

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About Donny Rokk

Gamer. Writer. Lover. Fighter. Defying stereotypes, one nerdgasm at a time.

Posted on January 9, 2011, in Blog. Bookmark the permalink. Comments Off on Google Shows Me Your Soul.

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